Here’s the situation: Your geezer dad or mom has a new attractive 30-something love interest. You can see your inheritance flying off to St. Tropez. Here are a few things you can do to be sure your name remains in the will with some dollar signs next to it.
Hire a hit man. Craigslist is not the place to find a hit man, but a sleazy bar in the low-end part of town should serve the purpose.
Advantage: An experienced hit man will eliminate the dating partner with no muss or fuss. You will comfort your grieving parent and you’re back in the picture.
Disadvantage: The hit man will rat you out to the police (or be the police) and the only thing you will inherit is a very big cell mate named Bubba who is looking for a long-term prison relationship.
Make friends with the lover. Walk their dog, wash their car, pick up their dry cleaning. Take him or her to the theater and dinner at a fine restaurant at which you present a watch that looks expensive or small diamond bauble
Advantage: They may actually come to like your act and tell your parent to “think kindly” of you when changing the will.
Disadvantage: You fall for the love interest, thereby going into competition with your parent. You will lose your parent, lose your inheritance, and eventually, the lover will find someone with bigger baubles.
Kowtow to your parent. Be the loving son or daughter you were meant to be. Phone. Visit. Smile. Always say “Please,” and “Thank you” in a pleasant tone of voice.
Advantage: Your elderly parent will fall for it hook, line, and sinker, and will think you’re becoming a mature adult. Soon they’ll be calling their lawyer and you’ll be back in the will.
Disadvantage: You will scrape your knees groveling and your lips may freeze in a smiling position. But remember, in the end you’ll have enough of an inheritance to find your own younger love interest. Then your kids can kowtow to you.