Most geezers are happily married, although happily and married may be considered an oxymoron by some. But a few senior males have been known to look at the mantle over the fireplace and become determined to put a new trophy wife on it. Who are these trophy-seeking geezers?
The first type of trophy hunting male is the man of change – he wants to explore “the new.” Which implies, of course, that his current wife is “the old.” He began his exploration by checking his wife out looking for skin that was sagging or other signs of gravity’s impact on her body. He, of course, did not look at his own body in the mirror for similar signs.
After moving on to his trophy wife you might hear him say, “She makes me look at myself in new ways.” In other words, the new wife makes him wear his shirt unbuttoned to his navel, with bling around his neck, and new hair plugs in his head.
Another line to listen for is, “She changed my life.” In other words, the trophy wife makes him do all the romantic and sweet things he should have been doing for his wife of 30 years – the one he divorced.
Finally, he might say, sighing, “She fulfills my every dream.” In other words, she likes to do things in bed his wife didn’t.
The second type of geezer seeking a trophy wife is simply a man who gets bored easily.
He must possess the latest smart phone. For him, skydiving was so last year – cliff diving is this year’s thrill ride. You can easily tell this type because his children will have stopped trying to figure out which number trophy wife he is working on.
He’s the kind of guy who will eventually get bored of looking at the same trophy wife day after day. Sooner or later you will hear him say about his trophy wife, “Enough with the blond, let’s try the redhead.” Or, “A size 36 is interesting, but let’s try something a little larger.”
The third type of trophy wife seeking senior is simply the man who wants to “improve” himself. He takes lessons from a pro to achieve a lower golf score. He moves from 5K runs to 10K runs to marathons.
About his trophy wife he says, “She brings new energy to my life.” In other words she’s making the guy engage in heart stopping sports such as bungee jumping and shark baiting.
Eventually, however, he will want to improve his trophy and you will hear him say, “She looks pretty good, but isn’t there a better one?” And once again he will go out on the hunt.
So if you’re a boomer woman over 50 and your husband is checking you out a little too closely and making space among the pictures on the fireplace mantle, it may be time to start looking for a trophy husband.
For more about geezers in love, read The Geezer and the Egg.