Banks and airlines have found that fees are a great way to legally pick our pockets. The U.S. government has watched and learned. Rumors have been circulating about a few of the fees our government plans on initiating that will allow geezers to help contribute to the national debt.
Social Security Fees
Beginning in 2013, retirees will all be getting their Social Security benefits through direct deposit. As part of this new policy, there will be a “Social Security Bits and Bytes Fee.” That’s the fee to cover the extra electricity it takes to transfer those bits and bytes that represent the benefit money to your bank account. The fee will be deducted from your benefit. The higher the amount of your check, the higher your fee because it takes more electricity to transfer the bits and bytes associated with those larger amounts.
Direct deposits to government workers, including Congressmen, who did not pay into Social Security, will, naturally, not have any additional fees.
If you are healthy, Medicare thanks you. But they still have to keep track of the service you are not using so they can determine how much money you are saving them so they can report it as cost savings to Congress. All this tracking cost money. So the new “Healthy Person Medicare Fee,” will be added to the monthly amount now deducted from your Social Security to pay for your Medicare benefit.
If you are actually using your Medicare benefits, obviously lots of accounting has to be done. More tracking is needed. So the “Sick Senior Medicare Fee” will be added to what you pay for Medicare.
If you have Supplemental Medicare there will be a “Letter Fee.” Fees will be higher as you move further from the letter “A.” Because Medicare Advantage involves two words, there will be a new “two word fee.”
Veteran Benefits Fees
Veterans are offered many different benefits from disability to education to home loans. There will be some new fees for these benefits. The “Thank You For Serving Fee” will be on a sliding scale depending upon how many years it’s been since the conflict in which you served. Because there are fewer of them to complain, WWII vets will be charged a higher fee than Iraq vets. And the government is hoping the newer vets are still so shell shocked they won’t catch on to the new fees, which will be in the form of a reduction in benefits paid.
Federal Income Tax Fee
You have to file a tax return in retirement whether you’re working or not. Someone has to review that tax return to be sure you’re not hiding all those big bucks you’re receiving from Social Security. Hence the new “Federal Tax Return Review Fee.” Don’t worry about including a check for it. The government will just deduct it from either your Social Security benefits or from any refund you are owed.
If you don’t file a return and get caught, there will be a new “You Thieving Crook Fee” which will be deducted from any monies you earn while in prison.
So, if you notice a slight decrease in the amount you’re receiving for Social Security or Vet benefits, don’t worry. All that fee money will increase the solvency of the U.S. Government – at least for this month.