If you’re a male geezer returning to the dating world, you need to have money, be a great dancer, and, most importantly, you have to know what to say and not to say. I can’t teach you how to get rich or dance, but here are a few suggestions for what you should not be talking about on a date.
1. Your Age
The fact that you’re breathing is usually a positive sign for any widow over the age of 60. You don’t need to confuse the issue with a number. If you are dating a woman from 40 to 60 years old, she may be wondering about your age because she wants to know how many years you have left before she has to start sitting around the hospital waiting room to find out if you’ve survived your latest major surgery. The trick here is to not focus on your age, but how often you go to the gym. A bit of rock climbing skill or bungee jumping experience would also be good to mention. If you’ve jumped out of a plane and survived, all the better. If the woman you’re dating is under 40, avoid mentioning age as long as possible, because if the number is over the age of her father you will be going home alone.
Keep the illnesses to only those for which a pill can be popped or a liquid be swallowed. Attach any illness you’ve had to health or money. For example, you got the flu because you were running a marathon in the rain. Or your migraine was caused by deciding when to make your next large purchase of Google stock. Any illness related to a hospital should be avoided. Don’t lie about it, but if you have to mention it, focus on how quickly you recovered because of your vim and vigor.
3. Children and Grandchildren
You want to emphasize how well your children turned out. You needn’t mention the fact that it was your deceased wife or ex that did all the work. You did contribute half the genes, after all. As for grandchildren, be sure to tell about the time you took care of them, generously treated them to all sorts of goodies, and then sent them home to their mother and father. You’ll seem caring but not clutching. On the other hand, very few women will find you attractive if your unmarried child and grandchild are still living with you. They have probably been there and done that and have no desire to do it again with you.
If you would like to have some, I’d suggest you don’t mention the word. Don’t be one of those senior citizens from the 50s who think that paying for a steak dinner is essentially paying for sex. If you want to get her into bed, you’re going to have to do some modern wooing which includes listening and talking to her. Senior men are not known for these skills, but they can be learned. Watch some old Cary Grant movies.
If you’re a widower, do not spend a lot of time discussing your dead wife. It’s depressing for you and intimidating for your date. She’ll want to know you grieved but have not brought an urn full of ashes to dinner.
If you’ve never been married, you better have a few good “I was left at the alter” stories or your date will definitely believe you’re gay.
If you’re currently married, you should avoid mentioning it. To be honest, you should also avoid dating, you dirty old man.